An emotional note

I sat down at the computer today with every intention of showing off the new growth that is going on in the garden today.  Instead, after several long minutes of staring at the screen, I ended up writing about something else entirely different.  I guess God had a different plan in mind.  So I apologize in advance for the gooshy-ness.  I am not usually a sharer, so if my sharing may help someone, than great.

Today has been a year since my grandmother passed away.  It is funny how fast a year can go by.  People say time heals,  how long is it supposed to take?  I guess time is, well, taking its sweet time about it.  I thought it would be much easier than it seems to be.  After a year, I am still sad that she’s not here.  After a year, I still struggle some days to get out of bed.  I pray everyday for the strength to get out of bed and have the energy to do the things that I have to do.

In this past year, I have learned and accomplished a lot.  I can know make my own bread.  Sometimes more succesful than others.  From  pizza crust to rolls and hamburger buns to banana bread, I have even made a cake from scratch (though that didn’t turn out to great).  Everyone like the rice crispies but, the perfectionist that I am was not happy with the results.  I haven’t mastered your Chocolate Moose, yet.  I wish I could ask how she got the cookies to hold together after she crushed them for the crust.

I set out the first of last year to learn how to knit.  That ended up being a bit more difficult than I thought it would be.  Thanks to the kindness of a stranger during vacation last year, I have finally learned how to knit.  Thank you random stranger!  I’m just sorry I didn’t get to finish my grandmother’s scarf.

Colleen was more than just a grandmother.  She was a friend, a listener, a cheerleader, an advise giver, and a co-conspirator.  She stuck by me during those rebellious teen years, giving me encouragement and a shoulder.  Though at the time, I didn’t fully appreciate what she was doing.  After a year I still try to call her for our weekly chit-chats.   Like when I was over run with cabbage worms, or to plan for parties and holidays.  When Nate had his first girlfriend, then ended his short relationship with said girlfriend because he was in the sixth grade and didn’t have time for a girlfriend.  Or to tell you that Kate lost her first tooth.  Then when she lost her second tooth, both of them where her bottom front.  Now the poor thing has a cute little gap in her teeth.

I finally got the chickens that I had been talking to her about.  They are a hoot to watch.  I swear, my grandmother could have sat there for a long time having a laugh at them scratching and running around.  She was a bird watcher.

I got a new dog, which I don’t think she wouldn’t have been to thrilled about.  I am sure she would have thought he was a bit of an oddity to look at, with he 60 pound large dog ego in a small short-legged body, but she wouldn’t have been thrilled.  She thought we should get a large dog.  She told me once which one, but I have since forgotten which one it was.  I always thought she didn’t like dogs, but she did.  Turns out she had one, once, just once.

I started gardening more seriously in the past year.  It reminds me of all the times I would have to help in her garden over summer break as a kid.  Now instead of the torturous tasks of raking, weed pulling, or watering, it is therapeutic.  I think this year’s garden may be more productive.  I can actually keep more plants alive, like the hyacinth bulbs that she gave me a few birthday’s ago.

It gives me comfort to know that I will see her again.  I am sure she is watching over us from Heaven, while tending to her flowers and garden, proud of the accomplishments we have made and will make in the future.



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